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“Even people who have healthy relationships with their adult children enter a stage when they don’t need to focus so much on parenting.So give yourself permission to put the estranged child heartache on the back burner while you enjoy new experiences,” Kuczmarski suggests.“This is in spite of the fact that I was awarded primary custody by the judge, who thought she was overbearing.” Apparently his ex-wife had a vendetta against him.“She even accused me of having an affair with their college-age babysitter,” he says. Now that both girls have kids of their own, they are reluctant to leave me alone with my grandchildren.I’ve told them I’m sorry for anything I did that hurt them, but that doesn’t make any difference.” Steps Toward Forgiveness No matter how severe the alienation, family experts believe that adult children can come around to forgiving their parents (unless, of course, the parent was abusive or complicit in abuse).“You just have to lower your expectations and take it slowly,” Kuczmarski advises.“At first Emma would invite us over for holidays, yet none of her family would speak to us.When we asked Adam what was going on, he just shrugged.

After they form a “relationship,” they come up with reasons to ask their love interest to set up a new bank account.The couple wound up sharing custody of their two younger children (both boys), but Jamie told the judge she hated her mother and wanted to live with her dad. Over the years Kay has seen Jamie only on rare occasions and manages a strained, bimonthly phone call. (MORE: How to Heal a Rift With Your Adult Child) Now Jamie is getting married and has informed Kay that she can attend the wedding, but she may not walk down the aisle.Nor will she be seated with the family or be included in any family portraits.“I called him to say we were sorry that we had spoken negatively about his in-laws,” she said.“He shouted at me, ‘You just don’t it.’ He’s right; I don’t.

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